That One Day When I Ran

I ran today. I RAN TODAY!! I was so tired of being afraid of doing the things I loved before my diagnosis. I would run nearly every day, never keeping track of how far I was running, or how long. I was an unstoppable force. If I was told I couldn’t do something, you’d better believe I would prove that I could. I don’t mind being wrong, you just have to prove it to me.
So, my run, while invigorating, cost me major in the physical department! Sitting on the couch, basking in my success, the adrenaline I rode in on slowly dissipated and ‘BAM’, just like that, reality set in. I got up to pour a cup of coffee and almost fell flat on my face! My legs were like “Girl, please! Sit your crazy, push yourself beyond your limits ass down!” Thankfully, the end table and the couch reached out their very capable arms and rescued me. Damn MS. Damn spasticity. Damn motivation to take back my life. Still, I stayed positive, laughed it off and hobbled into the kitchen. Back on the oasis that was the sofa, I rested (and by rested, I mean tossed and turned because comfort was a distant illusion) and watched the movie Selma. Crouching on the sofa, crying into countless tissues, my snuggle friend, William emerged from the bedroom. “What’s wrong?”, he asked. “I huurrrttt!!!!” I cried as any toddler with MS who had just foolishly run for 20 minutes would do, “and this MOOOVVIIEEEEE!” Chuckling, he walked away shaking his head, “Maybe next time you could take it slowly…maybe walk first?” Joining me on the couch, he snuggled with me and we finished the movie.
As the day progressed, so did the stiffness in my legs—at least the part of my legs that I can feel. The area from my knees up felt like burning logs on a backyard fire pit! I wondered (with mild hilarity) if my calves were suffering too, since they have been numb since November. My back had random shots of pain, but probably because I have random shots of numbness back there to boot.
The next day was sheer hell. I woke up to my medicine alarm, took my meds, and promptly rolled over and went back to sleep, which I never do. I wanted the Earth to swallow me whole! I would call it a relapse, but I feel like I haven’t remitted since my diagnosis. Is there a such thing as a relapsing relapse? Unfathomable fatigue, pain everywhere that wasn’t numb. My eyelids felt like lead, making opening my eyes, much less blinking, a massive effort. This day, I do nothing but lie around and watch Netflix. I ran, I took back my life. I paid the MS tax. It was worth it.

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4 thoughts on “That One Day When I Ran

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  1. You and your brother are good writers – very intelligent, creative, and you both have common sense. All three of these articles are amazing – not too long, not too short, and to the point.
    Love you. Trust Jesus.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so pleased to be following your blog and even more pleased that you’re writing it!

    I must admit that I know so little about MS. I learned so much from your “the one day I ran” post. Your descriptions are so revealing and helpful to those of us who don’t know about MS and also probably helpful to those who do know who don’t or can’t articulate as well. I look forward to learning more from your excellent writing! 🙂

    Like

    1. Thank you so much Dr. Grohowski! I can’t tell you how much your following and comments mean to me! You really made an impact on my life and you may never know how much I appreciate you! I will be writing more in depth about MS(among other things) and hopefully you and others and gain more insight on this unpredictable, mean-spirited disease. Thank you, again!

      Like

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