That One Day When I Noticed the Rip in My Children: The Aftermath of Divorce

When I chose to divorce their dad 9 years ago, I had no idea the impact it would have on my children—even into their adulthood. Watching them struggle to grasp what a relationship is supposed to be is the hardest part. I left their dad at a crucial time in their lives. After 16 years of marriage, he was so intent on hating me and hurting me, it made the ripping apart that much harder on them. I see them battle within themselves because they are all such loving people and always want to love others into their own ‘okayness’. To let the masses know that they are worthy of love, even at the expense of the losing themselves, but searching for that same love in return.
I admire that about my children, the exuberant love they have for others. I only wish they would love themselves with the same passion. I wish they would believe that they, themselves are also worthy. I look back and wonder what I could have done differently. I constantly hugged and loved on them, told them they were amazing and could be anything they wanted to be. My precious daughter feels like they were all placed on this Earth to love people who feel unloved. I want them to know they are loved. Loved beyond measure. That I still believe they can be whatever they want to be. That I am their biggest supporter and cheerleader. That though their paths may not look like others’, they are not failures.
I want them to see the strength that resides in each of them and to draw on that strength.
How parents interact after the separation determines the children’s success in dealing with their new lives. I chose to remarry a few years later, and unfortunately, it also ended in divorce. We have a little boy together and because we remained friends, he has not suffered nearly as much as my older children. We have chosen to co-parent based on the love we have for him, and not the failure of our marriage. I know he struggles, but because our focus is on him, it has made the transition much better and maybe the rip that much smaller.

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4 thoughts on “That One Day When I Noticed the Rip in My Children: The Aftermath of Divorce

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  1. That’s good. They are passing on the love they received while growing up. Therefore, they’re able to see or detect an emptiness in a person who was not loved as they were. Very selfless acts of kindness and caring.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My daughter asked me how do I know that what happened with her dad will not happen this time with my soon to be husband. I told her that I don’t know but that I can’t allow the past to dictate the present. She has to decide to do the same thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Absolutely! You never know but just like you said you cannot live based on the past. I’m sure you learned from your previous relationship and everything will be fine! You and your daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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