That One Day When I Didn’t Feel Like Fighting and Esmeralda and I Just Hung Out

You don’t realize how much you fight your body when you have an autoimmune disease, until you stop fighting.
That is where I find myself today. I’m tired of fighting. I don’t care about my numb feet and legs. I don’t care that I have a fever that won’t go away. I am just too tired to care today, so Esmeralda, let’s just hang out and have some coffee. This day, Esmeralda wins.
Maybe if I don’t fight, she will be nice to me. Maybe we can come to an understanding and she will take a nap after we hang out. It will be nice to not have a battle. I will lay down my armor, and just for today, I will surrender.
MS is what some call a snowflake disease. It is different for everyone who has it. Shoot, it’s different for me on a daily basis. I never know what tricks Esmeralda will pull out of her bag from day to day.
I remain grateful, though, because I live. I breathe. I fight. People ask why I am always so happy. I answer, “First of all, Jesus.” Then I follow up with “Life is tough enough, why be upset about it? Why not be as positive as you can be in a negative world?”
I choose happiness. I choose today to surrender my battle for the sake of that happiness. Come on Ezzie, let’s have that coffee now.

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