Forgiveness is a tricky little something that seems to occur in layers. Sometimes we make the conscious effort to lay aside the hurts we have suffered at the hands of others. Other times, it’s not so easy. In my book, 62 Days, I talk about how, at the end of my mother’s life, I was able to forgive the rejection I felt from her during my life from childhood to adulthood.
Several times over the course of my life, I had forgiven her. At least I thought I had. And maybe it was in those layers I previously mentioned. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you are okay with what the other person has done to you. What it does mean is that you release yourself, and the offender, from the prison that is hatred, anger, and despair.
So how do I do that? My go-to therapy is writing. When I worry about something–especially when it is beyond my control–I write it down. That way, it is out of my head and that means less stress. When I have been offended by someone, I will, depending on my relationship with that person, talk to them about it. If I can’t talk about it, I write it down. It is an actionable demonstration of releasing what I feel from inside my head.
I can write anything I want without offending anyone.
Once my mind is cleansed through putting pen to paper, I can proceed to destroy that paper. I can rip it, ball it up, or even burn it (safely, that is. Preferably outside and with water nearby).
I have done that countless times, but there are times when I hang on to offenses. Not intentionally, though. I unwittingly keep some offenses like a nice warm blanket on a blustery winter’s day. For some crazy reason, we are sometimes comforted by the anger we feel toward a person. Maybe so we can use it against them later. To hurt them the way they hurt us.
In the end, this is not, I repeat, NOT a healthy coping mechanism.
We have to lay down the comfy blanket. We have to let go of the mess. And when there is nothing left, forgive. Forgive them for rejection. Forgive them for the harsh words. Forgive them for withholding affection. Whatever the offense, let it go. Find your peace.
The first step is to say, “I forgive.”
And I promise, the rest will fall into place.
Thanks for reading!
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