Dear Mom and Daddy,
I have to believe that you made the best choice you could make at that time. When I found out about my sister, I was elated. At the same time, I wondered how you could take a secret of this magnitude to your graves. I am not angry at you, Daddy. I know how you felt about family. You, the one who had everyone’s birthdays written on a calendar so that you would remember to call or send a card. She was born on your birthday, Daddy. I feel so close to her already. I was told that you gave her her middle name. How cool. But why didn’t you tell us about her? I have a memory of playing with a little girl who called me America. We were in Mount Vernon. Because of who you were, I know you took me there to play with my sister. To forge some kind of bond, so that when I found her later in my life, the seed of love would have already been planted.
Did you have to choose? Mom, did you make him choose us and leave our sister behind? How could you do that? That little girl missed out on the best man. Not that he was perfect, but he was the best. I always wondered why you didn’t like me, Mom. Now I know that when you looked at me, you saw her. I was a constant reminder of the other woman that he loved before you, and the child they created.
I feel joy and loss constantly. Joy of finding my sister and the loss of not having her my whole life. Joy of having the greatest man I have ever known as my daddy, and the loss of not being able to share him with my sister.
What did you guys think when I would say that I felt like I had a sister or a twin somewhere? Did you freak out? Did your stomachs bottom out with thoughts of whether or not to tell me about her? Did I say that because I had met and played with her and felt the connection—not even knowing there was one?
I place no blame. The choices you both made are really none of my business. It doesn’t matter who knew about her, because it wasn’t theirs to share. I am only thankful for my sister. That although I have a brother, in my sister, I have filled that empty space that longed to be filled for my whole life. That sister-shaped hole that only Shelley could fill.
Love always,
Evvy-Erica
That One Day When... 